castaway

47. Who knows if the one I judge and speak ill of may not be dearer to God than I am? Whether another whom I esteem but little and despise for his physical or moral defects be not destined to be very happy with God for all eternity? Who knows whether I may not be condemned to the pains of Hell for all eternity? With this uncertainty how can I then presume to consider myself better than any other? No one is worth more than what he is worth in the eyes of God, and how can 1 know whether I am an object of hatred or of love to God? "And yet man knoweth not whether he be worthy of love or hatred." [Ecclus ix, 1] How do I know if God will fashion a vessel of honor or of dishonor from the clay of which I am made? "For who distinguisheth thee?" [1 Cor. iv, 7] "But what is the use of these vessels? the Potter is the judge." [Wisd. xv, 7] When I read of St. Paul, the herald of the Holy Ghost and great doctor of the Gentiles, who said of himself that he lived in fear of falling into sin and becoming a castaway after having converted so many thousands of souls to God: "Lest perhaps when I have preached to others I myself may become a castaway;" [1 Cor. ix, 27] ah, if St. Paul himself, who was rapt unto the third heaven and could say that "Christ lived in him," "and I live now, not I, but Christ liveth in me," [Gal. ii, 20] should thus fear, what shall I say of myself, who am so contemptible? At the day of judgment how many shall we see on the right hand of God whom we looked upon as castaways! and how many shall we see on His left whom we believed to be amongst His elect! It would be well for us, however, when we make comparisons between ourselves and others, to say what Juda said of Thamar, "She is juster than I," and in some circumstance or other this will always prove to be true. St. Thomas taught that a man may truthfully say and believe that he is worse than others, partly on account of the hidden defects which he knows that he possesses, and partly on account of the gifts of God that are hidden in others. [xxii, qu. 161, art. 6 ad 2]